Many moons ago I was experiencing some difficulty with a companion and mentioned it to my parents. Well, my mother used it as a chance to write to my companion and explain to him that I am "sometimes difficult to love." I was kinda wondering why she would think that. Kinda harsh for a mom to say that about you... But I agree. Here is why.
Apart from the many forms of love (friendship, competition, beauty/nature, etc) I feel there are two kinds of intimate, romantic love. Puppy love and something higher that I have not yet decided how to define exactly yet so it will be angry love for now.
Puppy love is how I feel about puppies. Puppies are so cute and innocent that I just love having them around. I would enjoy having puppies around me pretty much all the time. They make me smile. Always. I have no evidence of an exception. I am gentle with puppies because I want them to like me back. There is just something about puppies that calms me down and makes me want to play. I see most relationships being here. This type of love is necessary in a relationship and I think most true loves start with this kind. Its innocence and pleasure is what makes us love love. This love expresses itself in sweet nothings, pranks, cuddles/wrestles, flowers "just because," making dinner together, long walks where nothing is said, and catching a duck for your girlfriend (my roommate actually did this for his fiancee before they were engaged).
Angry love requires some more depth. I do not see it as any better, more natural, or longer lasting. It is simply different and used differently. Puppy love I think is limited in its emotional variety. Puppy love is happy and excited. I cannot get mad at a puppy. I can be frustrated at a puppy, but it does not last long. If it makes a mess I clean it up and am happy again. Angry love can experience the full realm of emotions. It often grows as a result of time of presence. The more time we spend around someone the more comfortable we become. We are better able to communicate with and understand that person. So we let them see more and more of our emotions: tears, fears, and anger. Eventually we should reach a point that we could be angry with someone and not leave, because we still love them. Our emotions are simply expressed in a less favorable way. We still feel very strongly for them. This is a wonderful place to be because it means two people can argue without fear of offending the other. This allows them to build each other up, teach each other, and grow together.
I think one of the reasons I am so "difficult to love" sometimes is that it is very hard to hate me. I am akin to puppies: gentle, cute, and playful. Yes, I will make messes and mistakes, but it is really hard to get angry at me about them. I do disappoint and give people every reason to genuinely get angry at or hate me. But the next time I will see you I treat it as if nothing bad ever happened. I am genuinely sorry for my mistakes and want you to teach me how to be better. Unfortunately, this has not given many people the chance to see if they could be angry with me and has not solidified my relationship with those individuals to include both kinds of romantic (or flirty or friendship) loves.
But, for those individuals who have taken the time to try to hate me (who have simply stuck around long enough for me to seriously disappoint or harm them), I feel extremely loved and like my relationship with them is beautiful for it. We are gemstones within the ground. If you do not like the rain of sadness or life's buffings how do you expect to be cleansed and shined? Relationships are the same.
Apart from the many forms of love (friendship, competition, beauty/nature, etc) I feel there are two kinds of intimate, romantic love. Puppy love and something higher that I have not yet decided how to define exactly yet so it will be angry love for now.
Puppy love is how I feel about puppies. Puppies are so cute and innocent that I just love having them around. I would enjoy having puppies around me pretty much all the time. They make me smile. Always. I have no evidence of an exception. I am gentle with puppies because I want them to like me back. There is just something about puppies that calms me down and makes me want to play. I see most relationships being here. This type of love is necessary in a relationship and I think most true loves start with this kind. Its innocence and pleasure is what makes us love love. This love expresses itself in sweet nothings, pranks, cuddles/wrestles, flowers "just because," making dinner together, long walks where nothing is said, and catching a duck for your girlfriend (my roommate actually did this for his fiancee before they were engaged).
Angry love requires some more depth. I do not see it as any better, more natural, or longer lasting. It is simply different and used differently. Puppy love I think is limited in its emotional variety. Puppy love is happy and excited. I cannot get mad at a puppy. I can be frustrated at a puppy, but it does not last long. If it makes a mess I clean it up and am happy again. Angry love can experience the full realm of emotions. It often grows as a result of time of presence. The more time we spend around someone the more comfortable we become. We are better able to communicate with and understand that person. So we let them see more and more of our emotions: tears, fears, and anger. Eventually we should reach a point that we could be angry with someone and not leave, because we still love them. Our emotions are simply expressed in a less favorable way. We still feel very strongly for them. This is a wonderful place to be because it means two people can argue without fear of offending the other. This allows them to build each other up, teach each other, and grow together.
I think one of the reasons I am so "difficult to love" sometimes is that it is very hard to hate me. I am akin to puppies: gentle, cute, and playful. Yes, I will make messes and mistakes, but it is really hard to get angry at me about them. I do disappoint and give people every reason to genuinely get angry at or hate me. But the next time I will see you I treat it as if nothing bad ever happened. I am genuinely sorry for my mistakes and want you to teach me how to be better. Unfortunately, this has not given many people the chance to see if they could be angry with me and has not solidified my relationship with those individuals to include both kinds of romantic (or flirty or friendship) loves.
But, for those individuals who have taken the time to try to hate me (who have simply stuck around long enough for me to seriously disappoint or harm them), I feel extremely loved and like my relationship with them is beautiful for it. We are gemstones within the ground. If you do not like the rain of sadness or life's buffings how do you expect to be cleansed and shined? Relationships are the same.
You made some good points. Interesting thoughts. Thank you for sharing (and for blogging!).
ReplyDeleteThat was an interesting perspective on love, definitely one I haven't heard before. Do you think it's possible to be in puppy love and angry love at the same time?
ReplyDeleteHaha, I hope I keep up with stuff. Yeah, puppy and angry love can happy at the same time. I think that is the goal, when you're healthiest.
ReplyDelete