Alternative Sunday School

Each week we hold Spiritual Sunday Cinemas here at the Moore's home on Sunday evening. We invite everyone to play games, partake of hot koolaid and popcorn, and watch an uplifting movie. It's grand. It was there I met Rachel, who mentioned that she was late because of Alternative Sunday School (which is hosted by her apartment). I was intrigued so I asked a lot about it. Well, finally, last week I was able to attend. While my expectations were quite high I was amazed by how I underestimated it.

Hearing about it I assumed it would be some organized lesson for people who might not normally be comfortable at church, for whatever reason. A way to still be spiritually fed while some barrier exists. For a lot of reasons I was really excited by this idea of a more relaxed and comfortable gospel education. Feeling comfortable at church has never really been my forte being the most forefront.

It was even better. We gathered in a circle. People came and went. Herbal tea was shared. We had a mediator with a topic he had been pondering a lot lately, the scriptures and how he was having difficulty using them as a primary source for spirituality (especially since he returned from his mission). He asked some basic questions about how we use to the scriptures to feel the spirit and other ways we find the spirit through each day.

There was no expectations. No one had to speak. No one had to be quiet. It was peaceful discussion, everyone trying to help their neighbor or be helped (and for most of us I think we were seeking both). We talked and worked through it. As questions arose we addressed them without judgment or anticipation. Everyone was free to speak their heart and mind.

What was so amazing to me was that whenever I've seen groups like this come together there is tension. Someone trying to prove something. Some agenda. It gets expressed with hasty words or personal questions. None of that happened though. It was freeing. Like there was a giant cauldron in the middle of the room and everyone was free to pour as much of themselves into it as they wanted and everyone was free to take out as much as they needed. And it was spiritual. We all accepted each other's claims and opinions. We came knowing we knew a lot as individuals but very little compared to our whole. We were open to expansion.

How does such a group come about? Could it be replicated? Will it continue when the founding woman leaves? I don't know. I can hope. Engaging intellectuals takes perpetual growth, it has that potential.

Provo, Utah

Well, I've been here a few weeks. It's awesome! I realize I needed to go to Northern Arizona for that year for oh so many reasons. Friends, relationships, teachers, judo, the church, late nights, sleepless nights, midnight bike rides, photography, and distance taught me so much that I needed right then. I wonder if I would have found all of it at BYU. I don't think so. I needed a little more dirt to appreciate the squeaky clean feeling. I do miss some things, especially best friends.

I love having the mountains so close. The mornings are great because the mountain keeps campus cool into the late morning. Riding my bike is so relaxing. Flowing and interpreting pedestrian traffic is a simple pleasure. My classes are great. I'm learning how to folk dance (last week we worked on a Romanian dance and this week is Mexican Polka. How awesome is that?). I'm taking shotokai karate (I can't find judo anywhere!). No music this semester...which is weird. No science either. Lots of changes in my education. I'm also learning Arabic which is so difficult but so satisfying. I'm really glad I learned some French, somehow it makes it easier, except when I can't find the Arabic word while talking and choose the French one instead. The ward I'm in is fantastic and our home evening group is just a gem to my week. Oh yeah, and living with the Moore's is a constant entertainment.

This morning Neil L. Andersen visited BYU today for a devotional. He spoke of honesty and integrity. It was quite good, but the part that hit me the hardest was just at the end. He told me that if I sought to perfectly honest in all things that it would become a light that could shine from me. That is the light I want. I've been trying so hard to find it. I feel it is so close at times but that I get too startled or scared and repress it. I want to trust the light. I want to trust what others see when I'm in the light. I want trust myself to be a light for others.

Amidst the massive attack against my social insecurity to turn every activity into a date, I am it nice and peaceful to get to know people and have fun. Our bishop challenged our ward to go on a date a week for the rest of our lives. I think that is a really neat idea. We'll see how it works out, starting Friday night. Jeremy and I are going on a double date to World of Dance, which I am very excited for because it is going to be a fantastic show but also because of those who will be attending with us.

A few answers to prayers. I found out just before I came up to BYU that I had enough saved up, because of the generosity of so many to actually attend school. This has allowed me to take a lot of classes and get involved with BYU. I got housing the day I got back from Sacramento. I paid my fast offering this month. On Sunday night we came home with a box of donuts and other sweets. Last night I came home with a couple bags of food. I have been asking how I could bring the light back to my eyes and this morning Neil L. Andersen told me one path. I needed to talk to my department's advisor to add another class but she was gone yesterday which was the last day to add classes. I got an e-mail at 9:30 pm telling me I had permission to take the class. At 11:30 pm, I felt like I should check my e-mail one last time, just in case by some random act of humanity she checked her e-mail early and gave me permission. I was able to sign up for the class. I've needed some closure and it has slowly been coming.

Life is good, Zion grows, and God loves us. I see that a lot, every day really.