So I've been wondering how I can feel so introverted sometimes and seem so extroverted at other times. I like being around people even if they make me uncomfortable and drain me. I doubt I'm a social masochist, so here is my other explanation.
Being the center of attention can be great. When I tell a story I am at the center of attention. Rules are established. I am doing my job as storyteller to be quick and entertaining. Others are doing their job to listen and chime in when appropriate. I am the center, but I am not central. The story is central, the audience is central, but I just happen to be in the midst. This is a comfortable and satisfying place. One can receive praise and love without fear of making any damaging mistakes.
But, say someone gives me a gift and they wait to watch me open it. Or someone wants to celebrate something I've done by throwing me a party. Suddenly I have to not only be proud of whatever it is I've done (graduated, destroyed all evil, survived another year, whatever) but I have to appear excited and grateful for their efforts on my behalf as well. Suddenly I am awash in pressure. My reaction matters to the person and a poor one might mean a poor relationship in the future. I am being made not only the center of attention, but central. With little context I have to figure out the appropriate things to do to maintain social status quos. It is uncomfortable and scary.
Now, this happens to everyone, but we should probably stop doing it to each other. At least I think so. (I recognize I'm being selfish here). Questions out of the blue, unexplained or half-forgotten or empty or unloved traditions, and most expectations make people the center of attention and central to the situation. Unless no one cares about the outcome, these things rarely go very well.
Being the center of attention can be great. When I tell a story I am at the center of attention. Rules are established. I am doing my job as storyteller to be quick and entertaining. Others are doing their job to listen and chime in when appropriate. I am the center, but I am not central. The story is central, the audience is central, but I just happen to be in the midst. This is a comfortable and satisfying place. One can receive praise and love without fear of making any damaging mistakes.
But, say someone gives me a gift and they wait to watch me open it. Or someone wants to celebrate something I've done by throwing me a party. Suddenly I have to not only be proud of whatever it is I've done (graduated, destroyed all evil, survived another year, whatever) but I have to appear excited and grateful for their efforts on my behalf as well. Suddenly I am awash in pressure. My reaction matters to the person and a poor one might mean a poor relationship in the future. I am being made not only the center of attention, but central. With little context I have to figure out the appropriate things to do to maintain social status quos. It is uncomfortable and scary.
Now, this happens to everyone, but we should probably stop doing it to each other. At least I think so. (I recognize I'm being selfish here). Questions out of the blue, unexplained or half-forgotten or empty or unloved traditions, and most expectations make people the center of attention and central to the situation. Unless no one cares about the outcome, these things rarely go very well.
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