Hungry Humility

Fasting is one of the most gratifying experiences for me. At least once a month I go without food and drink for 24 hours. I've tried other forms of fasting too. Ramadan was one of my favorites. As long as you can see sunlight then it's work hard, meditate, and don't eat or drink. A day of silence is another favorite. Try to not to speak from when you wake up to when you fall asleep. I have also heard of mirror fasts. People refuse to study their physical appearance for days, weeks, or months. They avoid mirrors, reflective surfaces, and photos of themselves. They just exist and take away the temptation to judge their body.

Humility, to me, is being grateful for your dependency on God. And if you don't believe in God, can you substitute a higher power, nature, or the goodwill of others for God? I think they'd work for the sake of this. It has three parts. It means being grateful that someone, something, or some others help you. And it also means recognizing your dependency on it or them. I can do both of those easily. Part three is being grateful for your dependency. That is a Herculean feat for me. I do not want to be dependent forever and being grateful for it seems like giving in to the idea that I cannot become great on my own (and while I think I am not great on my own I do not believe it yet. Cursed disagreements between my heart and mind).

But I realized food is a great source to explore my humility. I love food. I am often hungry. I do not grow, harvest, or produce anything I eat. Sometimes I cook it, but it is with materials provided through tubes and rods to my apartment. So I recognize I am dependent on others for my food and ability to cook. I am grateful I live in a society that provides me with easy ways to trade money for food so that I can specialize my education and labors on self-gratifying dreams. And I am even grateful for my dependency.

I am grateful because the economic model of such a system makes sense. Specialization helps everyone (okay, just most people most of the time). It improves society as a whole, enabling us to reach new heights of art, technology, study, and thought.

I am also grateful because it is so rewarding. I love food. I love that I have to eat several times a day. The way it feels: chewing, swallowing, pooping, digesting. It's all so relaxing and relieving. I love how exciting it is to taste new dishes. It's even better to make new dishes. It is an easily learned skill with delightful, immediate rewards. Food is great.

So I wonder, why can't my hungry humility apply to other situations? Why can't humility be more consciously rewarding? Helping someone move makes me feel good because it is a workout, I get to know new people or say goodbye to old friends, and it makes me grateful for what I have. I feel humbled by the experience. Teaching a class feels good because it helps me relive the learning opportunities I've had. Whether they were good or not I am grateful they happened because they taught me something, whether intended or not. I am humbled by seeing people learn new things.

There really is a way to be more active about my humility.